Learning

I’m throwing myself into learning more about wire wrapping. I love the look and it’s not nearly as difficult as I thought it would be! I’m also starting to consider getting back into bead weaving. I hope I still have the knack for it.

Samples of my wire wrapping

I’ve been struggling this week with anxiety. I’ve been avoiding important phone calls. I’ve had to do a lot of deep breathing and other centering exercises. I think I have a handle on it now.

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I’ve been super deep in blah land. It finally hit me that Mother’s Day is this weekend! Between the free floating anxiety and this bout of grief sneaking up on me, it’s no wonder I feel barely functional. Now that I have named my emotional state, I can properly cope with it.

Feeling those emotions and not pushing them away is always my first step. I need to sit with them for a bit. Then I can examine them and decide my best method of coping. This weekend will involve me sitting on the patio enjoying the sunshine. Plus kittens. I’m also going to try making a video of some sort. An unboxing of my recent supply order or showing off some of my pieces.

For me, it’s important to have plans for the future. It reminds me that there is a tomorrow.

Take care. Weekends like this are often an emotional mine field for those who don’t have mothers, those who have strained relationships, those who wish to be mothers, those who have lost children. I see you. Your feelings are valid. I care.

Down Day

Ugh. Late post. Bad pain day again. My hips today. So I spent today with some music therapy, watching beading tutorials and napping. There was also some fannish drama in a FB group that I help moderate.

Anyway, just wanted you to know that it’s okay to have an off day. Rest, recuperate and tomorrow is another day.

Helpful Links

I’m better today, btw. Still having a lot of pain but handling it much better. I’ve spent most of the day watching wire wrapping tutorials and trying out new techniques!

Anyway, here are a few links about mental health that I think are worth sharing:

https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/May-2021/Five-Warning-Signs-of-Mental-Illness-that-People-Miss

https://www.economictimes.com/magazines/panache/a-year-after-pandemic-social-anxiety-is-normal-heres-how-you-can-learn-to-talk-to-people-again

https://greatist.com/grow/resources-when-you-can-not-afford-therapy

I use Daylio and find it very helpful!

https://mhanational.org/adapting-after-trauma-and-stress

Oof

Yesterday’s post was super positive and full of hope. Today, well, it was a bad pain day. On days like this, it’s harder to be positive. I exacerbated my back pain by trying to move the bag of car litter closer to the litter box. That was a very poor decision.

I did manage to do some crafting though. Watched some tutorials on wire work. I have a bracelet laid out that I will complete tomorrow. And perhaps some earrings.

Hoping tomorrow will be less full of ouch.

Mental Health Awareness Month (again)!

It’s May! Since it is Mental Health Month, I’m going to try to blog every day.

My therapist and I are actually switching this month to sessions every three weeks. I’m very excited to see how this works out. She’s been incredible in helping me use all the tools to short circuit that awful spiral of self-doubt and hopelessness. I mean, it’s still work, but I’m doing much better at catching coping. Still have much to do to work on my anxiety especially, the part that makes it so difficult to make phone calls.

I’m now fully vaccinated so that’s a worry off my plate. My partner starts their new job in a few weeks, so that’s another worry gone. Hope is alive in my life.

I’m still not okay sometimes, and it’s fine. I have a wonderful support system. I hope you do as well. I’m constantly amazed at how wonderful my friends are. Very willing to offer support once they know I’m in need. Reaching out is hard, but I encourage you to try. You’ll be glad you did.


I’m Back

Not sure how often I’ll find the spoons to blog, honestly. But here are a few random thoughts.

I finally got my first dose of covid-19 vaccine! Super relieved. It was at 5 this morning and I’m exhausted. I’m scheduled for my next dose. So far, I just have some minor soreness at the injection site and I’m tired. I took two naps today. Crashing early this evening as well.

Life isn’t being kind. My partner was laid off just before Christmas and hasn’t yet found a new position. I’m still hopeful. I’m trying to be a supportive as I am able. I have a lot going on physically and mentally myself. My depression is of course exacerbated by the pandemic. Plus the weather has been ever changing and I’m having some really bad pain days. I’m also having issues getting to an endocrinologist. Lots of tap dancing with insurance, my primary doc and the endo’s office.

I’m so glad I have an excellent therapist. My coping toolbox is growing and really helpful. My anxiety attacks are less frequent. And I can handle them better.

My business is slow but that’s not unexpected with the lack of in person events. I’ve taught myself a few new skills and expanded my offerings. I just need to do more marketing and tweak my shop to be more appealing. My wolf cub and I make really nifty goods! I just need to reach the right audience and have the best product pictures that I can produce. When my stimulus check finally gets here, I’m investing part of it into the business. I should also be able to pay off a couple of debts.

Finances make me anxious and depressed. I hope my NP gets a new job soon before the severance funds dry out. We still have the medical debt and other things that feel insurmountable. But I’m hopeful.

I have a GoFundMe and a Ko-fi if you’d like to help out.

This year, I’ve lost some cherished friends. Grief is a weird companion. It follows you throughout your life.

;

This is not the end of my story

Drowning

Btw, I am super duper tired. Did you know that I am not well? Besides the major depressive disorder, I also have chronic kidney disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, chronic pain, arthritis, scoliosis, bulging disc, degenerative disc disease, hypothyroidism (multinodular goiter). I’m just fucking tired. I’m juggling a lot.