Just a reminder to all of you.
Read stories of others here:
Just a reminder to all of you.
Read stories of others here:
Sorry all. I just had my yearly eye exam. New script! So my lenses will be around $55 and I found cheap frames for a total of $89. Plus I really need to get my Pete to the vet for booster shots and annual exam. Should be around $250 or maybe less if I talk nice to the vet. If you wish to help me out, you can Paypal Me (noting glasses fund or pet care fund on the note) or to my general help fund at YouCaring Helping Hand
Thanks! In other news, I’m waiting to hear back about an appointment with a therapist who sounds perfect for me. Good wishes are very welcome!
It’s a new year! ~confetti~
After a long cold and stressful trip to KC to visit my partner’s family, I return and promptly came down with a bad cold or maybe the flu that’s running rampant. I’m still recovering. Then early yesterday, my uterus betrayed me. I woke up at O dark thirty with a red tide. ~sigh~ Then today…not a damn thing. Though I did go out and re-stocked up on menstrual stuff. It had been over 100 days since I had a period. So reset and hope for 365 days so I can officially be in menopause and hopefully, one day, be post-menopausal.
Haven’t made a decision on exactly what to do about my disability denial yet. Being feverish was not helping with my decision making skills. Need to gear up and produce many pretty beaded things for my Etsy store though. Hoping folks will want to start shopping soon for Valentine’s Day.
I’ve made some decisions about where I want to be by the end of this year and how to get there but I’m not ready to really talk about it publicly.
I need to get my kittens to the vet for checkups. So anything you can toss my way would be awesome. Also, I have follow-ups myself with the nephrologist and my primary care doc and the dentist. But I have new insurance so I may not have copays and my meds should be a little less expensive. I think. I hope so. Or I could be screwed and not able to see my specialists. Guess I’ll find out! Yay.
Guess my mental health hasn’t improved much since I can only focus on the worst scenarios. Except I can go hunting for a therapist with my new insurance and hopefully get that stuff under better control. Yay.
Here’s the linkage for today:
For a long time, my memories of my childhood were vague and felt very, very distant. In part because I actively shied away from fully remembering. I’ve spoken of being raped when I was nine years old. However, as I approach 50, I find myself remembering happy times and a loving family. Memories of great adventures with cousins, large family gatherings and celebrations, church family, friends at school and in the neighborhood; all crowding forth in my mind lie whispers. It has moved me to look at the one family photo album that I managed to salvage after my mom’s death. So many great snapshots that made me smile and laugh. I want it back. I want it all back: the fun, the struggle, the pain, the love. All of it shaped who I am today.
I have reached out and reconnected with some family and friends on social media and will continue in my efforts. I’m enjoying seeing these amazing people and learning about who they are now. I really hope to return to NC sometime in 2018 to see them in person.
I feel like I was missing a part of me and now I am working to reclaim it. To make myself whole. Yes, it includes some really painful and sad parts but it also includes some really amazing, happy and loving parts as well.
To my friends and family, please share stories with me. I may not remember them all clearly but the more I hear, the more I remember and the more I feel myself.
Still waiting from a decision on my disability claim. Feeling frustrated and discouraged. Felt myself about to drown in the dark pool of depression. My wolfcub suggested we make real all the talk about selling our crafts. So I have an Etsy shop! He makes chain mail jewelry and I, as you know, make beaded stuff. My shop is Dragon Wolf Crafts
I am slowly adding inventory to the shop. Taking good pictures has been a challenge but I think I have some decent ones.
Making is wonderful and each completed piece brings me fulfillment. I have a reminder set so I can spend some time every day working on either crafting or on the shop. It’s good to have some structure to my days. I was getting lost.
So that’s the good. I’m still fretting about money because bills need to be paid. I added up how much it would take to make me current and it’s over $2000 with interest adding up every day. Each company offers help if you have some small income but they don’t have anything if you are flat ass broke like I am. Hopefully, the shop will allow me to pay something.
I am in a weird mental state right now. Hopeful but not. Really discouraged by politics and what feels like lack of social change. Discouraged by having no money and not hearing about my disability claim. But I make things! Pretty things. And I have a shop that may generate some income. I have friends and family who love and support me. Plus it is Secret Santa season! And I get to send out nifty holiday cards all over the country. But I’ve been sleeping poorly. And I’m tired all the time. And my hands hurt.
So, yeah. Weird mental/emotional state of late.
So, last Thursday was the perfect storm of just too many things gone wrong. I’ve been having very bad pain days I think partially due to winter finally arriving to the Valley of the Sun(winter being relative but it is a change in weather nevertheless). I had finally made contact with a therapist and I was nearly giddy at the prospect of getting into therapy and on the road to better mental health. The appointment was originally set for early December but a cancellation allowed me a chance for last Thursday. Giddy! Glee! Unfortunately, I failed to ask a vital question when setting up my appointment. They didn’t take my insurance and as y’all know I am broke ass. I didn’t have the $225 or really, any money for the initial appointment. So I thanked the front office person and left.
I sat in my car and cried. I started off back home and my gas light came on. I cried some more. It’s a miracle I didn’t have an accident. I did make it home though.
I felt so overwhelmed with what I felt was failure.
I took a deep breath. I put the pills away. And then I took a nap and cuddled with my kittens.
I still feel fragile. And I’m cranky. Moody. All of that fun stuff. Dreading the holidays and feeling isolated.
I have $0.51 in the bank. I would like to treat myself to Moravian sugar cookies. A taste from home.
But I’m still here. My story continues.
Very useful! Will have my own thoughts on recent events in my life up soon.
(Note: I am not a medical doctor and cannot give professional advice. All of the following is my opinion, based on my experience as a patient.)
Psychiatric doctors are fascinating people*. They, more than most, are able to understand human consciousness as a function of biology. They see right through the misconception that the mind is greater than what the brain is capable of generating.
And they also have a medical degree, so you should probably listen to them.
The questions that are asked in this article are the questions I would have deeply benefitted from knowing the answers to when I first stepped foot into a psychiatrist’s office almost ten years ago. Hopefully, the answers I have provided (which are, at best, all partial) will aid you in your journey toward finding effective psychiatric help.
Q) Will taking psych meds change my personality?
A) The short answer is…
View original post 1,456 more words
On my rollercoaster ride of depression, I’m currently at a very, very low point. I was finally able to connect with a therapist and my first session is tomorrow. So there’s that. I’ve been either sleeping too little or too much. For the past several days, I’ve not been able to talk myself into getting out of bed until the afternoon. I feel so useless. Like why bother going through the motions. I’ve been eating either way too little or too much of the wrong things.
Still waiting on a decision on my disability. Meanwhile, I need food, gas, pet supplies. All of my bills are overdue. I have no answers for the nice folks that keep calling me about them or sending me letters or email. Many of my clothes don’t fit anymore. It’d be nice to have a pair of orthopedic slippers for around the house. It’d be nice to go to a movie.
I’ve been trying to read or listen to music but that’s not really working on my anxiety. It helps for a little while. And I guess those small moments will have to do for now. My dreams are full of all kinds of anxiety induced monsters.
I am hoping that therapy will help. Except I am anxious about the added expense on top of everything else. But I know I need the help. But I will continue to fret.
As always, if you can help, here is my YouCaring page: A Helping Hand
And my PayPal
Your Daily Polyamory Blog for Navigating Life, Relationships, and More
Mike Glyer's news of science fiction fandom
adventures in mental illness
James Edgar Skye
New York News, Weather, Entertainment, Transit and More
The Very BEST in Afrofuturism and Black Speculative Fiction!
I am so glad you have chosen to visit my website and I hope you will continue to come back to read more! You will see that I do believe that a positive attitude can make a huge difference! I truly hope that my website will reassure others that they are not alone with their battles; my goal is to help others!
Camestros of the logic code poetry
12th Century women's garb