Featured

New

As part of my therapy for depression, I’ve been openly talking about my struggle on social media (google + and facebook, mostly with a few posts on DreamWidth which are mirrored to LiveJournal).  I’ve been thinking of setting up an actual blog to try to reach more folks.  Not out of vanity but because I want other folks suffering from mental health issues to know that they are not alone.  Mental illness is not a moral failing, it is a health issue.   I also want to point folks at useful resources such as www.nami.org

NAMI is National Alliance on Mental Illness and it raises awareness, offers support for those with mental health issues and their families.  There are NAMI chapters all across the US.

I also hope to find resources for those outside the US but most of my experience is US based including with the deeply flawed US health system.

I also have physical health issues which are tied into my mental health. I have arthritis and chronic back pain.  So I will likely write often about coping with those.  It is all connected to my overall general wellness.

Welcome aboard.  I hope to provide useful information and insights amidst my ramblings here.  I welcome feedback but will moderate comments to weed out abuse, trolling and the like.

~hugs~

Cheryl

 

Health and such.

Just finished my physical eval for disability.  I am tired beyond words.  It was stressful in a myriad of ways.  The doc was really kind though.  I just hate being broken.  I’d much rather be healthy or at least functional.

Next up is the mental health eval.  I’m glad have a couple of weeks to silently freak out.  This is so hard.

However, there is good health news, my last A1C was 6.4 which is an improvement over the 7.0 from the two previous tests!  So there’s that.  I’d love to eventually get off the metformin.  I have plenty enough other pills to take.

IMG_20140714_155650

A Confession

tumblr_o6z8l79cvy1vow9fgo1_400

 

I am depressed.  I haven’t blogged about it or really written very explicitly about it in quite some time.  It’s because I’m in a truly dark place and depression lies.  It lies and tells me that no one cares, no one wants to hear about my feelings/struggles.  It tells me that people are tired of my constant struggles with depression and finances and my whining about my life when obviously I have many good things.

I am worried and stressed and my depression lies and tells me that I’m being stupid/silly.  Any problem I have is my own fault and I should just *fix* it already.  I’m not sleeping or eating well (this is very bad due to my eating disorder past and I know it but my depression tells me that it doesn’t matter).

My depression tells me that everyone around me would be better off if I disappeared from the world entirely.  That ceasing to exist would be a vast improvement to my current state of uselessness.

I’m wrestling with it, the darkness, my old friend, my depression brain.  I’m trying a new antidepressant but it hasn’t had a chance to kick in yet.  I’m applying music therapy and playing silly games and trying, trying, trying to shut out the noise, the lies.  I’m mostly managing to get out of bed everyday so there’s that.

A Helping Hand fundraiser

Paypal donation link

Post Convention Drop

My partner took me to Westercon 70, the western US regional general sf/f con that moves to a different city each year.  It was in Tempe this year (and why folks thought it was a good idea to have a con in July in AZ, I just don’t know).  It was fun.  I got to see some old friends and perhaps, I made a few new ones.  However, I am an introvert and now I just want to hermit for the next month or so.    So tired.

Overdrawn at the bank.  Bills coming due.  My partner covers all of our living expenses including pet care.  So.  ~sigh~

Lots of chores undone around the house because we were away.  So much laundry!  Did I mention, v. tired?

The disability claim is still pending.  I have an appointment next week for a medical eval and then a couple of weeks after that for a mental health eval.  ~sigh~

But there’s good news.  I got out of the house for the weekend!  My A1C dropped from last reading (this is an improvement).  Woot!  My other numbers look pretty good too.  Plus my new doc has referred me to specialists.  So just gotta get myself up for making a couple of phone calls.   Trying out a new antidepressant as well.  Hope it helps.

Help me with my expenses

 

A quickie

big_thumbnail

 

Not up for a lengthy essay today but I did want to tell y’all about something that happened today.   Through an interaction on social media, I was forcefully reminded about the stigma surrounding mental health.  I was distressed quite a bit about this.  It hit harder because it came from a person that I’d never thought would cotton to such an idea.  It floored me, frankly.  I’m still kinda reeling from it.

What it’s done, however, is to make me more resolved in speaking out about my condition, sharing resources and letting folks know that they are *not* alone!  I got your back!  You have value and worth and there is support out there.  There is help available. It is not a character flaw!

 

 

IMG_20160519_120749

 

The second thing I wanted to mention was that, well, I did it!  I created an Etsy shop!  Woohoo!  DragonWolfCrafts.  Now all I need to do is fill it with stuff for folks to buy.

 

Go me!

 

Thanks and have a happy week!

Help me with crafting supplies

Help support this blog!

Personal things

big_thumbnail

 

Haven’t updated in a long while. So, got out and skimmed the pool. Trying to do this every day but not always succeeding. So that was exercise plus time in the sun (need that vit D). It’s 9000 degrees here and the air quality sucks so I’m actually avoiding spending a lot of time outside at the moment. When monsoon season kicks in, I’ll probably go spend time on the patio post deluge when the air is clear and stuff. Hope it happens soon but the forecast for the short term is just very sunny and very hot.

I’ve also taken to dancing around the living room for exercise. The birds really don’t like my taste in music though.

Been having pretty bad pain levels in my right hand, right hip and lower back. Not sure why but hopefully, more movement will ease things. Or I resort to drugs.

I think I posted somewhere about taking classes to try to keep my brane engaged. I started with a full slate but quickly realized that I was being unrealistic and setting myself up for failure. So, I now only have Art History which I am enjoying quite a lot.

I managed to read yesterday!  I devoured an entire book in a few hours.  It was great.  My review is here: Flowers of Luna by Jennifer Linsky

Plus I’ve watched the Black Panther Teaser Trailer many, many, many times.  I’ve also watched a slew of blerd reactions videos.  I. Can. NOT. Wait!  So excited for this.  I really want to make a Dora Milaje costume.

Actually, I’ve gotten the urge to Make.  I created a crafty things wishlist on Amazon here.

Well, that’s it.  Still not sleeping well.  Still anxiously stressed about money.  Still overwhelmed by the news of the day.  Still overwhelmed by all that needs doing around the house.

But I have an adorable kitten and a wonderful, cuddly cat who purr and frolic.

Finn and Pete

 

 

https://www.youcaring.com/HelpCherylThrive