Stress factor 100000000

 

Money and financial stability is a hugenormous source of stress for me.  I think it is because I grew up very, very poor.  No really.  I was born a poor, black child.  Even though we were on welfare and got food stamps *and* my dad worked 6 days a week, paying bills and having food were never sure things each month.

When I was 12ish, my mom who had been ill for quite a while abdicated household chores.  So, of course, the only girl (and the youngest) had to step in.  I do not know why my 4 brothers chose to let me shoulder the burden.  I know why my dad did, he had a 6th grade education and was sure his brilliant, genius IQ daughter could handle it better than he. That’s when I found out up close just how on the edge we were.  Each and every month.

I spent a lot of time in the school guidance  counselor’s office.

I ran like crazy to boarding school when I was offered the chance for the last two years of high school.  Not that living away from home absolved me of my responsibilities but at least I didn’t have to do the day-to-day of cooking, cleaning, laundry.  Or stare my inadequacy in the face (well, that particular one, I had/have others).

I had very low wage jobs until I lucked into a real career after crashing and burning out of college (why, yes, please let me attempt not one but *two* of the most demanding engineering majors!).   I lived in crappy houses with scummy landlords.

So I fret about money quite a lot.  I probably always will.  I’m not kidding when I talk about being afraid of not being able to get the health care I need or paying off debt or any of that stuff.  It’s the thing that gives me nightmares.

Childhood baggage is heavy, y’all!

 

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Author: desertdragon42

I am a science fiction fan. I read it, I watch it, I breathe it, I go to conventions to hang out with others like me. I met my fannish family at my first Worldcon in 1995 in Glasgow. I've been smitten ever since. Just your typical bi pagan poly sf/f fan gamer geek! I have an amazing group of friends and chosen family flung all across the US and the world.