I just got an email from the insurance company we had in the Bay Area about a claim from Jun 2015! It was just finalized and I apparently owe a bit over $150. WTF?!? The EOB shows the claims was submitted inNov of 2016. As a person with claims processing experience, I can say it is very unusual to approve a claim of that age. Most insurance companies have guidelines about when a claim can be submitted for review. Generally within 60-90 days after the encounter. It is called “timely filing” and I’ve denied many claims for that very reason. Oy!
Why did I check my email? I should just have gone to bed. Now I’m never getting to sleep.
Every time I come out of a down cycle, I feel like I am surfacing from dark waters. I feel my body swimming upward out of the quiet dark. It’s like I awaken from a dreamlessness. A suspension of movement. Like I’d been held in place, held down and now I’ve somehow started moving again. Upward. It always feels like upward. It can be a struggle to keep my head above the dark, the lapping waves of doubt and fear.
I’m swimming upward now. I hope I can make it completely out for a while. Treading water is just exhausting.
Sometimes, very well-intentioned people offer advice that begins: “Well, why don’t you just” and my head explodes. If I could “just* do anything, I wouldn’t be in my current state! If I could just pick up a phone, leave the house, be sociable, call a friend, call the doctor, not hurt. My life would be vastly different.
As I struggled to hold the kettle to pour the water for tea just now, the number of times I’ve heard “why don’t you just” swirled through my head. And I became angry.
Seriously, I don’t mind receiving advice and useful tips. But *nothing* is simple for me anymore. There’s no “just” doing anything. I struggle with talking myself into getting out of bed in the morning. Then there’s the getting myself to do the other needful things a person does to make it through the day (eat, bathe, dress, cook, clean). Plus the stuff that I would like to do (craft, play with Pete, see friends, take a class, exercise). I get frustrated with my wonky brain chemistry as well as my physical limitations. This leads me to doinking around on the internet, watching YouTube videos or traipsing through Azeroth.
Right now, I need to finish making my ginger tea because the nausea is really bad this morning. Then I will try to get some of the needful done. Or maybe a nap.
Oh hey, that’s something I can just! Nap. I can just nap.