Every time I come out of a down cycle, I feel like I am surfacing from dark waters. I feel my body swimming upward out of the quiet dark. It’s like I awaken from a dreamlessness. A suspension of movement. Like I’d been held in place, held down and now I’ve somehow started moving again. Upward. It always feels like upward. It can be a struggle to keep my head above the dark, the lapping waves of doubt and fear.
I’m swimming upward now. I hope I can make it completely out for a while. Treading water is just exhausting.