Insecurity

Just ran across this old post:  Stress factor 100000000   and Mother’s Day just happened.  I read all the memes and tributes and whatnot.  I felt wistful that I couldn’t call my own mom.   Though I am happy for those with good relationships with their moms.  The partner that I live with called his mom and she was effusive about the gift I sent her.  My other partner doesn’t have a relationship with his mom so he likely spent the day making chainmail, playing Kerbel and the like.

My mental health month fundraiser hasn’t attracted much attention so that makes me sad.  It’s here if you want to take a look.  https://www.booster.com/intomentalhealth   I added more color and style choices as well as a donate button for those who wish to support the campaign without getting a t-shirt.

Had a burst of energy and cleaned the parrots cages.  Also left the house and dropped by the pharmacy and visited Penzeys for more ginger (for my nausea) and a yummy spice mix that we ran out of.  V. tired now though.  Will probably curl up and stay inside for a day or two.  Feeling very drained.

Mental Health America has a list of things to boost your mental health http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/31-tips-boost-your-mental-health   Some of them are geared towards those who are higher functioning that I am (people with money, energy and good health).  However, #27 is something I can do and something I enjoy.  I have blank cards that have somehow accumulated over time and I sent out some last week.  It made me smile.  I will try to send out another one this week if I can find current addresses of my friends.  I used to keep an updated address book (on paper!).

All in all, it’s only Wednesday and it’s been a very emotional week especially with all the political turmoil.  Plus that very emotional piece in the Atlantic.   I also just read this Captain Awkward bit and so close to my mother’s day wistfulness, it wrecked me.

I have bills coming due or past due.  I was thankfully able to pay a few through the generosity of others.  Trying to focus more energy into making rather than into fretting.  My disability claim is still pending.  Not sure how much longer I’ll be in limbo in that regards.

 

Tips

 

 

Making your own Family

Chosen family. This is wonderful. I’ve written some before about this topic. I loved this movie and this is why.

Steven Barnes

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One of the things that gets me excited to wake up in the morning is that I never know what people are going to be talking about on my pages.  What emails or texts I might get about one or another issue.   What will be a theme for the day?  How can I help people?

Well, today what came up is painful childhoods.  Abusive step-parents, bullying, neglect.  Painful stuff, damaging our self-worth and what I call “self-love.” Without it, we search for love outside ourselves.

For instance:  I have a student who has a girlfriend who is more sexually experienced than he is.

He won’t leave her, but thinks of her as slutty.  Wants to be the greatest lover she’s ever had, and is constantly repelled and angered by her descriptions of previous affairs and their…attributes.

He constantly asks what’s wrong with her.  My answer is that as far as…

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May the 4th

Today is….complicated.

I am a huge Star Wars fan.  I was 8 years old when it came out in 1977.  It’s been a touchstone movie for me ever since.   So today is a fun day in many ways with all the Star Wars memes going around.    Then there is the Glitter for Carrie thing.  Which makes me smile and feel sad at the same time.

Today also marks the 47th anniversary of the Kent State Massacre.

Today is also when the House of Representatives of the United States of America voted to repeal the ACA and replace it with legislation that could kill many.  I hope it will not pass the Senate.

In addition, my partner was unwell and stayed home from work.  So I had to cope with having another person around.  Unexpected things throw me off no matter how benign.

But hey, I have a cool shirt on Booster!  Please go take a look and see if you want one!

Usefulness

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Since it is Mental Health Month, I decided to do a little Booster campaign to give y’all something tangible in return for your support.  The campaign is here:  https://www.booster.com/intomentalhealth I hope you like the design. I think it is pretty spiffy.  As stated in the information at Booster, I will donate part of the proceeds from the t-shirt sales to NAMI.  The campaign is open throughout the month with the t-shirts delivered a couple of weeks after it closes.

So, that said. Let me delve a bit into why I’m doing this.  I mentioned before that I’m coming out of a down cycle.  Doing something useful will help me keep from falling back too far.  I’m actually pretty excited to see this succeed.  There’s a minimum of 8 sales before the shirts will go to print.   However, if 20 are sold, Booster will kick in another $20, if 100 are sold it’s $50 and so on.  I doubt I have enough reach for 100 but I’d be thrilled with 20!  I’ll donate the entirety of the extra.

Anyway, thanks for listening.  I’ve been feeling incredibly useless and like a waste of air.  This campaign is a good start to quelling those feelings.  I’m going to look for other things I can do that makes me feel like a contributing member of society.

It’s May!

May is Mental Health Month!  Lots of awareness campaigns happening this month.  I’ll probably post linkage to ones I run across and want to support.

NAMI Mental Health Month

Mental Health America

Looking across social media at the #mentalhealthmonth  and associated hashtags, makes me kinda weepy.  It’s great to see so many people raising awareness.  At the same time, it makes me acutely aware that every month is mental health month for me.   There’s never a time when I’m not aware of the importance of mental health or the impact of mental illness.  Or of the stigma.  Or the lack of understanding.

It also makes me profoundly grateful for my friends and family who offer me support and caring throughout the year.  Every year.  Every month.  Every day.

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Had to come back and add one little thing.  Mental health for people of color is different.

Timely

I just got an email from the insurance company we had in the Bay Area about a claim from Jun 2015! It was just finalized and I apparently owe a bit over $150. WTF?!? The EOB shows the claims was submitted inNov of 2016. As a person with claims processing experience, I can say it is very unusual to approve a claim of that age. Most insurance companies have guidelines about when a claim can be submitted for review. Generally within 60-90 days after the encounter. It is called “timely filing” and I’ve denied many claims for that very reason. Oy!

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Why did I check my email? I should just have gone to bed.  Now I’m never getting to sleep.

Surfacing

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Eido Frances Carney “Dragon Surfacing”

 

Every time I come out of a down cycle, I feel like I am surfacing from dark waters.  I feel my body swimming upward out of the quiet dark.  It’s like I awaken from a dreamlessness.  A suspension of movement. Like I’d been held in place, held down and now I’ve somehow started moving again. Upward.  It always feels like upward.  It can be a struggle to keep my head above the dark, the lapping waves of doubt and fear.

I’m swimming upward now.   I hope I can make it completely out for a while.  Treading water is just exhausting.

Able to lend hand?