So I’ve been trying to figure out how to write about my current load of issues. So much has happened since I last posted anything. I did find a therapist who is wonderful. I am very optimistic that she’ll be a big help in my journey to better mental health.
I’ll need it because my physical health is…well, not so great. My follow-up with the nephrologist was rescheduled by that office until next month. My labs show a slight decrease in kidney function so I really need to consult with him. My primary care doc continues to be my champion. One of my labs is elevated which indicates either liver impairment or something else. I had follow-up labs this week and it’s not my liver. I will be seeing a hematologist next week to try to figure out what the heck is going on. Unfortunately, I spent time consulting with Dr. Google and now I’m all freaked out. There is a chance of bone disease of some type including perhaps, cancer. So there’s that.
Speaking of bones, I now know why my back hurts all the time. I have a bulging disc and degenerative disc disease. Yay me. I’m waiting to hear back from the neurosurgeon’s office about an appointment.
How am I coping? ~sigh~ Well, music therapy helps some. Today I’ve been rearranging the house which has also helped. I’ve asked for support from friends (go me! actually asking) and they’ve been wonderful. I am reminding myself to take things one step at a time. Cope with the bits that I am able and don’t sweat the what-ifs. I’ll have more information soon enough and can then decide how to handle things.
It’s a new year! ~confetti~
After a long cold and stressful trip to KC to visit my partner’s family, I return and promptly came down with a bad cold or maybe the flu that’s running rampant. I’m still recovering. Then early yesterday, my uterus betrayed me. I woke up at O dark thirty with a red tide. ~sigh~ Then today…not a damn thing. Though I did go out and re-stocked up on menstrual stuff. It had been over 100 days since I had a period. So reset and hope for 365 days so I can officially be in menopause and hopefully, one day, be post-menopausal.
Haven’t made a decision on exactly what to do about my disability denial yet. Being feverish was not helping with my decision making skills. Need to gear up and produce many pretty beaded things for my Etsy store though. Hoping folks will want to start shopping soon for Valentine’s Day.
I’ve made some decisions about where I want to be by the end of this year and how to get there but I’m not ready to really talk about it publicly.
I need to get my kittens to the vet for checkups. So anything you can toss my way would be awesome. Also, I have follow-ups myself with the nephrologist and my primary care doc and the dentist. But I have new insurance so I may not have copays and my meds should be a little less expensive. I think. I hope so. Or I could be screwed and not able to see my specialists. Guess I’ll find out! Yay.
Guess my mental health hasn’t improved much since I can only focus on the worst scenarios. Except I can go hunting for a therapist with my new insurance and hopefully get that stuff under better control. Yay.
Here’s the linkage for today:
My Etsy Shop
YouCaring Donation site
Medical stuff. Seriously. Trying to get healthy is exhausting. And expensive. Why? And now Congress is trying yet again to make it harder and exclude people like me from even getting the bare minimum health care coverage.
So after my fun diagnosis, I went to get blood drawn for more tests. It was like 8 or 10 vials! So I felt a bit run down after all of that blood left my body. But my nephrologist is being thorough so I should be glad. He’s checking for Lupus and I think trying to get a more precise diagnosis of my kidney disease.
I’m researching renal diets. And my partner got me an instant pot for my birthday to make it easier for me to cook real food. Yay! There’s a lot of information out there and it’s taking me some time to sort through it all. I suspect I’ll end up consulting with a nutritionist. sigh
I still need to find a therapist. I called a couple of people and found out they were not taking new patients. I also need to get my eyes checked. Oh, and the dentist.
In better news, I did submit an appeal for disability. Now I have to worry myself sick with waiting for a decision. I’m actually hoping I can just let it ride and not fret about it every damn day. But that’s not how my brain works. Anyway.
I got to see my wolfcub! So that was a happy. He gave me a pretty!
He’s making many pretties to sell. I’ll let you know where you can get yours.
Since it is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month I want to remind you, that you are loved, you are worthwhile and you are not alone!
- If you are in crisis or are experiencing difficult or suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273 TALK (8255)
- If you’re uncomfortable talking on the phone, you can also text NAMI to 741-741 to be connected to a free, trained crisis counselor on the Crisis Text Line.
If you want to lend me a hand, here are a couple of ways:
Friday, I went to see a nephrologist (kidney specialist). He was very kind and reassuring. I have more tests including and ultrasound on my kidneys. I have Stage 3 CKD (Chronic Kidney Disease). ~sigh~ My mom died from end stage renal failure which is Stage 5. So I’m a little shaken. My mind, of course, went immediately to the worst scenario possible. The doctor also wants to check for lupus and other things. But he said many times that I shouldn’t worry at this point. My numbers aren’t good but they are borderline.
My primary doc made a good call referring me to specialists. I’m glad I switched! She’s awesome.
Oh yeah, podiatrist wants me to get diabetic orthotics so I went and got my feet measured. It’ll be around $250 for shoes and three pairs of inserts which should last for year or so.
Will need to have my current meds re-evaluated though, because a couple of them aren’t good for the kidneys.
At least I’ll have met my deductible for the year after all of this. Why is trying to stay healthy so expensive?
So, my birthday is fast approaching. I’m tossing out my wishlists in case anyone wants to do the thing.
Crafting things Amazon Wishlist
ThinkGeek Wish List
Podiatrist down. Mostly good news. Yearly checkups for now. Need orthotics though. Gotta keep my feet all healthy and stuff.
Next is dentist. I’m scared, honestly. My gums are in very poor shape. It’s likely going to take a lot of work to get a healthy mouth.
The earliest appointment with the rheumatologist I could get is late October but it is scheduled.
I have to get Finn fixed and microchipped very soon.
Mentally/emotionally, I’m up and down but not as down. Thanks, effexor! Also trying to be social. I *think* I made some real connections Saturday night. Hope this is the start of really developing a friend circle and start putting down roots which is vital to my mental health.
My disability claim was denied as many, many, many, many people warned me would happen. Now I have to decide if I have the spoons to get a lawyer and appeal. It feels overwhelming.
I will note that I have made phone calls and gotten necessary medical appointments. So that feels like a huge accomplishment to me. I will also note that I have several other phone calls to make which I’ve not steeled myself to make as of yet. I still need to see a nephrologist and a therapist and get my eyes checked. And now I need to get an appointment to get my feet all measured for orthotics so they stay as healthy as possible.
Please do not tell me how easy it is to just call see: Why don’t you just…
I guess I will continue to get out of bed each day and do what I am able.
Special thanks to my lovely, generous friends who manage to show me in a myriad of ways that I am loved.
A Helping Hand
I feel like I’m waiting, waiting, waiting. The requested evals are done. So I am waiting for some strangers in an office not too far from here to decide if I am broken enough to receive disability.
I am seeing pictures from my friends at Pennsic and my friends travelling to Worldcon and I am wistful. I want to travel. I want to dress up in funny clothes and have magical encounters.
I miss my Nia. She’s haunting my dreams. I hope she’s okay. Yes, I’ve tried to contact her but I have heard nothing back. I worry, too, about my friend Beth. I miss, as well, those friends and acquaintances from all of the places I’ve lived and visited over the years.
Worry is my old friend. I fret, as usual, about money. I fret about being useless. I couldn’t even hold the coffee carafe to fill it this morning. I had to use two hands. I had a spurt of activity feeding the critters (birds and kitties). I fed myself too. But then I was tired, tired. I just want a nap.
Or I want to be elsewhere. Or maybe someone else. My 25 year old self, maybe. Or in a different universe where I stayed in NC. Or finished my degree and did good things for humanity. Or never left Tucson. Or ran off to join a commune.
I hate, hate, hate having to ask others for help all the time. I remember when I was the one able to lend a hand. Buy a meal or run an errand.
I am sad. I am useless.
Just finished my physical eval for disability. I am tired beyond words. It was stressful in a myriad of ways. The doc was really kind though. I just hate being broken. I’d much rather be healthy or at least functional.
Next up is the mental health eval. I’m glad have a couple of weeks to silently freak out. This is so hard.
However, there is good health news, my last A1C was 6.4 which is an improvement over the 7.0 from the two previous tests! So there’s that. I’d love to eventually get off the metformin. I have plenty enough other pills to take.