I am very much not okay. It’s why I haven’t blogged in so very long. I am an emotional wreck. Remember how I was having trouble sleeping? Well, that’s over. I’m now sleeping 10/11/12 hours a day or more. I am making it to appointments. I do eventually drag myself out of bed and take care of the critters.
My partner has been cooking for me. Finding delicious ways to meet my restricted dietary needs.
I’ve been dreaming vivid dreams about old friends and places.
A dear friend gave us money when things got dire at the beginning of the month. Really hoping my disability appeal will go through. Though I think we’ve found a few things to cut expenses. But medical stuff continues to stack up. We’ve both had our medications tweaked. We both need dental procedures. My partner is getting a couple of other necessary medical procedures. My orthotics cost more than expected. Not a lot more but still. ~sigh~
I just want to disappear in a puff of despair.
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My partner took me to Westercon 70, the western US regional general sf/f con that moves to a different city each year. It was in Tempe this year (and why folks thought it was a good idea to have a con in July in AZ, I just don’t know). It was fun. I got to see some old friends and perhaps, I made a few new ones. However, I am an introvert and now I just want to hermit for the next month or so. So tired.
Overdrawn at the bank. Bills coming due. My partner covers all of our living expenses including pet care. So. ~sigh~
Lots of chores undone around the house because we were away. So much laundry! Did I mention, v. tired?
The disability claim is still pending. I have an appointment next week for a medical eval and then a couple of weeks after that for a mental health eval. ~sigh~
But there’s good news. I got out of the house for the weekend! My A1C dropped from last reading (this is an improvement). Woot! My other numbers look pretty good too. Plus my new doc has referred me to specialists. So just gotta get myself up for making a couple of phone calls. Trying out a new antidepressant as well. Hope it helps.
Help me with my expenses
is over. Done. I spent much of it in a sort of mental health haze of low-level depression and lack of motivation with some lovely dips into deep depression and paralyzing indecision, fear and doubt. Fun times.
So that month is over. What will June bring? Warmer weather certainly. It’s regularly been in the 100s here. I imagine it will start heading towards 110 pretty soon. Plus monsoons! Yay!
I still haven’t heard any decision on the disability claim. Sent back a ton of paperwork though. I know it took me a while to complete so I imagine it is being reviewed closely and carefully.
I was going to take a couple of classes this summer to occupy my mind but my mind is pre-occupied and unfocused and stuff. And things.
The world continues to be a mess. Reading the news fills me with despair, rage, sadness and makes me feel powerless. Though there are bits that are somewhat hopeful. People taking stands and resisting and fighting back. I do what I can. I write to my reps and state my opinions. I sign petitions and pass along fundraising for causes I think are worthy. I actually donated $5 because I felt so fucking impotent. It was all I had to give and I hope it helps. I think groups like SPLC, ACLU, PP and others are fighting for me and I should support them as I am able.
Plus, Sense8 was canceled. It was a show that filled me with hope and wonder. I am sad I won’t get to see the whole story. WoW doesn’t hold my interest anymore. I log on and run around a bit and then sigh and log off. Maybe I’ll go play Neverwinter or SWTOR or GW2 or Tropico. Yeah, Tropico. I can be a benevolent dictator and create my own city.
My booster campaign to raise money for NAMI was a bust. ~sigh~
My campaign to help me with copays and the like and other debt is still running here: A Helping Hand or if you wish to help keep me writing: Tip Jar
I need to go see a dentist but the copays for dental work plus the thought of the work I need done overwhelms me with anxiety whenever I try to look for a dentist and make an appointment. I’m still working on it and will get there. Bleh. Need to get a fasting blood draw. I was supposed to get follow up labs last month but somehow May evaporated. Time sure goes wonky when you are depressed.
Thanks for reading this far. I’m totally rambling now and could ramble forever but I’ll sign off for now.