Making your own Family

Chosen family. This is wonderful. I’ve written some before about this topic. I loved this movie and this is why.

Steven Barnes

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One of the things that gets me excited to wake up in the morning is that I never know what people are going to be talking about on my pages.  What emails or texts I might get about one or another issue.   What will be a theme for the day?  How can I help people?

Well, today what came up is painful childhoods.  Abusive step-parents, bullying, neglect.  Painful stuff, damaging our self-worth and what I call “self-love.” Without it, we search for love outside ourselves.

For instance:  I have a student who has a girlfriend who is more sexually experienced than he is.

He won’t leave her, but thinks of her as slutty.  Wants to be the greatest lover she’s ever had, and is constantly repelled and angered by her descriptions of previous affairs and their…attributes.

He constantly asks what’s wrong with her.  My answer is that as far as…

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May the 4th

Today is….complicated.

I am a huge Star Wars fan.  I was 8 years old when it came out in 1977.  It’s been a touchstone movie for me ever since.   So today is a fun day in many ways with all the Star Wars memes going around.    Then there is the Glitter for Carrie thing.  Which makes me smile and feel sad at the same time.

Today also marks the 47th anniversary of the Kent State Massacre.

Today is also when the House of Representatives of the United States of America voted to repeal the ACA and replace it with legislation that could kill many.  I hope it will not pass the Senate.

In addition, my partner was unwell and stayed home from work.  So I had to cope with having another person around.  Unexpected things throw me off no matter how benign.

But hey, I have a cool shirt on Booster!  Please go take a look and see if you want one!

It’s May!

May is Mental Health Month!  Lots of awareness campaigns happening this month.  I’ll probably post linkage to ones I run across and want to support.

NAMI Mental Health Month

Mental Health America

Looking across social media at the #mentalhealthmonth  and associated hashtags, makes me kinda weepy.  It’s great to see so many people raising awareness.  At the same time, it makes me acutely aware that every month is mental health month for me.   There’s never a time when I’m not aware of the importance of mental health or the impact of mental illness.  Or of the stigma.  Or the lack of understanding.

It also makes me profoundly grateful for my friends and family who offer me support and caring throughout the year.  Every year.  Every month.  Every day.

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Had to come back and add one little thing.  Mental health for people of color is different.

Timely

I just got an email from the insurance company we had in the Bay Area about a claim from Jun 2015! It was just finalized and I apparently owe a bit over $150. WTF?!? The EOB shows the claims was submitted inNov of 2016. As a person with claims processing experience, I can say it is very unusual to approve a claim of that age. Most insurance companies have guidelines about when a claim can be submitted for review. Generally within 60-90 days after the encounter. It is called “timely filing” and I’ve denied many claims for that very reason. Oy!

headdesk

Why did I check my email? I should just have gone to bed.  Now I’m never getting to sleep.

Surfacing

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Eido Frances Carney “Dragon Surfacing”

 

Every time I come out of a down cycle, I feel like I am surfacing from dark waters.  I feel my body swimming upward out of the quiet dark.  It’s like I awaken from a dreamlessness.  A suspension of movement. Like I’d been held in place, held down and now I’ve somehow started moving again. Upward.  It always feels like upward.  It can be a struggle to keep my head above the dark, the lapping waves of doubt and fear.

I’m swimming upward now.   I hope I can make it completely out for a while.  Treading water is just exhausting.

Able to lend hand?

 

 

Rollercoaster

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I am so ready to experience normalcy.  Though at this point, I am not entirely sure I know what “normal” looks like.

Today has been what I think “normal” is like.  I continue to get 6hrs or less sleep but today I ventured to Costco to get necessary goods.  It’s been rainy but the sun peeked out and that felt really nice.   I decided to toss stuff in the crockpot and the house smells really yummy.  I don’t quite feel at the brink of despair though some of the news I’m reading today has made me angry.

So, the previous was written on Monday.  Today, I just want to curl up and sleep.  Even so, I went and got envelopes, dropped off the rent check, and mailed out my partner’s tax returns.

Tired.  So very tired.  Yesterday as a bad pain day.  I think part of it is the sucky weather.  Rainy and cold (okay, I know some of you have snow and suchlike but this feels cold to me).

Trying to look at my financial situation with open eyes.  It sucks.  Lots.  Still looking at job boards, sending out my resume.  Still feeling like a useless drain on my partner.