It’s May!

May is Mental Health Month!  Lots of awareness campaigns happening this month.  I’ll probably post linkage to ones I run across and want to support.

NAMI Mental Health Month

Mental Health America

Looking across social media at the #mentalhealthmonth  and associated hashtags, makes me kinda weepy.  It’s great to see so many people raising awareness.  At the same time, it makes me acutely aware that every month is mental health month for me.   There’s never a time when I’m not aware of the importance of mental health or the impact of mental illness.  Or of the stigma.  Or the lack of understanding.

It also makes me profoundly grateful for my friends and family who offer me support and caring throughout the year.  Every year.  Every month.  Every day.

intomh-facebook-timeline

Had to come back and add one little thing.  Mental health for people of color is different.

Timely

I just got an email from the insurance company we had in the Bay Area about a claim from Jun 2015! It was just finalized and I apparently owe a bit over $150. WTF?!? The EOB shows the claims was submitted inNov of 2016. As a person with claims processing experience, I can say it is very unusual to approve a claim of that age. Most insurance companies have guidelines about when a claim can be submitted for review. Generally within 60-90 days after the encounter. It is called “timely filing” and I’ve denied many claims for that very reason. Oy!

headdesk

Why did I check my email? I should just have gone to bed.  Now I’m never getting to sleep.

Surfacing

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Eido Frances Carney “Dragon Surfacing”

 

Every time I come out of a down cycle, I feel like I am surfacing from dark waters.  I feel my body swimming upward out of the quiet dark.  It’s like I awaken from a dreamlessness.  A suspension of movement. Like I’d been held in place, held down and now I’ve somehow started moving again. Upward.  It always feels like upward.  It can be a struggle to keep my head above the dark, the lapping waves of doubt and fear.

I’m swimming upward now.   I hope I can make it completely out for a while.  Treading water is just exhausting.

Able to lend hand?

 

 

Why don’t you just…

Sometimes, very well-intentioned people offer advice that begins: “Well, why don’t you just” and my head explodes.  If I could “just* do anything, I wouldn’t be in my current state!  If I could just pick up a phone, leave the house, be sociable, call a friend, call the doctor, not hurt.  My life would be vastly different.

As I struggled to hold the kettle to pour the water for tea just now, the number of times I’ve heard “why don’t you just”  swirled through my head.  And I became angry.

dragon
Me after hearing “why don’t you just” one time too many

Seriously,  I don’t mind receiving advice and useful tips.  But *nothing* is simple for me anymore.  There’s no “just” doing anything.  I struggle with talking myself into getting out of bed in the morning.  Then there’s the getting myself to do the other needful things a person does to make it through the day (eat, bathe, dress, cook, clean).   Plus the stuff that I would like to do (craft, play with Pete, see friends, take a class, exercise).  I get frustrated with my wonky brain chemistry as well as my physical limitations.  This leads me to doinking around on the internet, watching YouTube videos or traipsing through Azeroth.

Right now, I need to finish making my ginger tea because the nausea is really bad this morning.  Then I will try to get some of the needful done.  Or maybe a nap.

Oh hey, that’s something I can just!  Nap.  I can just nap.

Hold onto Hope

I’ve written about Project Semicolon a few times.

semicolon

The founder,  Amy Bleuel, died on March 23.  Yes, it was by suicide.  However,  do not lose hope.  The struggle goes on.  For you and me and everyone.   Please reach out and do not give in!

“If anyone is struggling right now, please take care of yourself. Please talk to someone about it. Please make use of the resources we do have. You can text the Crisis Text Line at 741-741. You can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. You can call The Trevor Project at 866-488-7386. Or, consider donating your social media data for suicide prevention research at OurDataHelps.”

Hold onto hope!

ETA:  I just found this amazing piece on Medium written by the founder of  Other Lives a peer support group for trauma survivors.  Please go read it.

FML

baby_dragon_is_sad_by_lusterman-d46anhc

I’m so tired.  And stressed.  And….argh!  It was in the 90s today.  The AC in this house has stopped working.  Contacted the landlord.  Waiting to hear something.   Several of my meds and my conditions make me more sensitive to heat.  Yeah, I know that I wanted to be back in AZ.  Overall, the dry, warm climate is pretty good for me.  But as with anywhere, there are drawbacks.  Several of my friends were snowed in last week, frex.

This would be easier if I were not also on my period.  My cycles are getting shorter and my periods heavier.  I’m fearful that I’ll be back to anemia land like I was three years ago when I ended up in the hospital getting blood transfusions.

Plus expending the energy to deal with service people (very nice, professional folks but still takes energy).

Also, strange rash.  And my hands hurt.  Plus, my partner is going out of the country for a week!

FML.