Making changes

I did a thing for myself.  I talked to my boss about changing my hours.  I’ll be doing fewer hours but it will save my sanity.  I could feel myself heading towards the wall.  Tired all the time,  stressed, unable to sleep at night, difficulty getting out of bed in the morning, counting the minutes until end of shift, lack of focus at work…..just bad all around.  My boss was awesome about it.

The other thing is that I really am not a Bay Area type person. It is just too damn crowded here.  I cannot cope.  I miss the sun too.  I know there’s a drought here but it’s also often overcast and dreary.  And I’m cold.

I need the sun. I need my support network.  I need my wolfcub.  I need to feel warm. I need to feel grounded.

I want to go back. It is time.

Booster campaign! Get cool shirt and help me move back to AZ!

I also closed my GiveForward campaign. It was necessary and useful for a while.

I think I’ve moved from perimenopause into true menopause but I won’t know for sure for another 9 months.

 

 

My Childhood is Dying

Today’s news informed me of the death of Chyna and Prince.  ~sigh~  Along with all the wonderful musicians and other celebrities we’ve lost this year all too soon, it feels like my youth is slipping away.  I don’t really feel old usually.  But today, I feel each and every year.

In addition, it’s been a bad pain week (yep, another one).  What’s it all for anyhow?

;

 

 

Therapy, A Trip and Contemplating My Bellybutton

Despite the recent (see:When it rains, it pours ) spate of bad financial news, I set off Monday for my much longed for visit with my long distance partner.  This trip was only made possible through the extreme generosity of his OSO and her husband.  Yay for awesome metamours! [For more info about polyamory/multiple relationships]

Anyway, we met in the middle as it were in Las Vegas because a flight to there was way less expensive than a flight from here to him.  We went out twice and spent most of the time in bed or cuddling on the couch.  Just being together.   We saw Zumanity and what an amazing show that was!   And we got free tix to see the Zombie Burlesque show which was also just a huge amount of fun.

In between the shows (and yes, just a bit of debauchery), we talked and dreamed together about the future.

It solidified in me that the best thing for my mental and physical health is to leave the Bay area and move back to Arizona.  Much of my chosen family is there.  And supportive friends who grok my situation.  And sunshine. Lots of sunshine.

My last therapy session I spent most of the time talking about how dissatisfied I was with my job.   Plus how guilty I felt about being dissatisfied. I should be grateful I have a job at all!   It pays okay and my coworkers are really amazing. My boss is really amazing.  The atmosphere in the office is totally laid back, friendly and I feel appreciated.  But.

I am bored. I feel underutilized. This job is just not the right fit for me.  I dread going to work each day and when I am there, I count the minutes until I can leave.

Chatting with various service people about where I am from and why I was there in LV and making small talk really brought home to me just how incredibly unhappy I am being here. There are so many womderfully cool things about here but they are outweighed for my depressive, introverted, shy self by the bad (overcrowding, horrendous traffic, insane housing cost and oh, did I mention the unrelenting press of people?)

So now to figure out how to get myself and the partner I live with back to Arizona.  The financial hit makes this way more tricky.  ~sigh~

 

martinandcherylinlv

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Book Review!

In other news, I am still reading! I finished The Between by Lisa Cohen. Highly recommended if you enjoy Faerie stories/YA urban fantasy. Wonderfully drawn characters, an exciting plot full of action, emotion, magic! It’s really all about family which is my particular passion.

Anyway, go get a copy and enjoy!

I’m also reading Star Wars: Tales from the Empire which has good and not quite as good stories. My friend, Angela P. Wade wrote my favorite story in this anthology called “Slaying Dragons ” It is a sweet tale starring a brilliant young woman. I recommend it plus her original stories.

Find out more about Lisa here: http://www.ljcohen.net

And Angela here: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/551124

When it rains, it pours

So, I am back in therapy. Thank all the gods and goddesses.  It’s been a heck of a week or so.

My partner did his taxes and we owe this great state over $8000. Why? Because of the short sale we were forced to do with our house in Tucson. The difference between the remaining mortgage and the sale amount counts as income! The Federal government passed legislation that exempts our situation but this state has not.

 

Plus, my temp contract ended on April 4. Luckily, there are several projects pending so I’ll still have a job for a while.

My brakes are making funny noises. Okay, not funny but kinda scary actually.

There is now no savings at all due to this tax thing after we scrape together what we can.

I am paying $70 for each therapy session until I meet my deductible. Plus, it’s time to get blood work, a checkup and renew my meds.

~sigh~

 

And our lease is up soon.

Holding on by my fingernails.

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Linkage

Things I saw on the internet about depression and such.  I hope you find them as useful and interesting as I did.  Always remember:  Depression Lies.  You *ARE* valued.  I love you.

In other news, I returned to therapy armed with my new insurance.  Here’s hoping I will be able to keep on track!

 

Tips welcome here: Tip Jar