Usefulness

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Since it is Mental Health Month, I decided to do a little Booster campaign to give y’all something tangible in return for your support.  The campaign is here:  https://www.booster.com/intomentalhealth I hope you like the design. I think it is pretty spiffy.  As stated in the information at Booster, I will donate part of the proceeds from the t-shirt sales to NAMI.  The campaign is open throughout the month with the t-shirts delivered a couple of weeks after it closes.

So, that said. Let me delve a bit into why I’m doing this.  I mentioned before that I’m coming out of a down cycle.  Doing something useful will help me keep from falling back too far.  I’m actually pretty excited to see this succeed.  There’s a minimum of 8 sales before the shirts will go to print.   However, if 20 are sold, Booster will kick in another $20, if 100 are sold it’s $50 and so on.  I doubt I have enough reach for 100 but I’d be thrilled with 20!  I’ll donate the entirety of the extra.

Anyway, thanks for listening.  I’ve been feeling incredibly useless and like a waste of air.  This campaign is a good start to quelling those feelings.  I’m going to look for other things I can do that makes me feel like a contributing member of society.

Why don’t you just…

Sometimes, very well-intentioned people offer advice that begins: “Well, why don’t you just” and my head explodes.  If I could “just* do anything, I wouldn’t be in my current state!  If I could just pick up a phone, leave the house, be sociable, call a friend, call the doctor, not hurt.  My life would be vastly different.

As I struggled to hold the kettle to pour the water for tea just now, the number of times I’ve heard “why don’t you just”  swirled through my head.  And I became angry.

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Me after hearing “why don’t you just” one time too many

Seriously,  I don’t mind receiving advice and useful tips.  But *nothing* is simple for me anymore.  There’s no “just” doing anything.  I struggle with talking myself into getting out of bed in the morning.  Then there’s the getting myself to do the other needful things a person does to make it through the day (eat, bathe, dress, cook, clean).   Plus the stuff that I would like to do (craft, play with Pete, see friends, take a class, exercise).  I get frustrated with my wonky brain chemistry as well as my physical limitations.  This leads me to doinking around on the internet, watching YouTube videos or traipsing through Azeroth.

Right now, I need to finish making my ginger tea because the nausea is really bad this morning.  Then I will try to get some of the needful done.  Or maybe a nap.

Oh hey, that’s something I can just!  Nap.  I can just nap.

FML

baby_dragon_is_sad_by_lusterman-d46anhc

I’m so tired.  And stressed.  And….argh!  It was in the 90s today.  The AC in this house has stopped working.  Contacted the landlord.  Waiting to hear something.   Several of my meds and my conditions make me more sensitive to heat.  Yeah, I know that I wanted to be back in AZ.  Overall, the dry, warm climate is pretty good for me.  But as with anywhere, there are drawbacks.  Several of my friends were snowed in last week, frex.

This would be easier if I were not also on my period.  My cycles are getting shorter and my periods heavier.  I’m fearful that I’ll be back to anemia land like I was three years ago when I ended up in the hospital getting blood transfusions.

Plus expending the energy to deal with service people (very nice, professional folks but still takes energy).

Also, strange rash.  And my hands hurt.  Plus, my partner is going out of the country for a week!

FML.