Medical stuff. Seriously. Trying to get healthy is exhausting. And expensive. Why? And now Congress is trying yet again to make it harder and exclude people like me from even getting the bare minimum health care coverage.
So after my fun diagnosis, I went to get blood drawn for more tests. It was like 8 or 10 vials! So I felt a bit run down after all of that blood left my body. But my nephrologist is being thorough so I should be glad. He’s checking for Lupus and I think trying to get a more precise diagnosis of my kidney disease.
I’m researching renal diets. And my partner got me an instant pot for my birthday to make it easier for me to cook real food. Yay! There’s a lot of information out there and it’s taking me some time to sort through it all. I suspect I’ll end up consulting with a nutritionist. sigh
I still need to find a therapist. I called a couple of people and found out they were not taking new patients. I also need to get my eyes checked. Oh, and the dentist.
In better news, I did submit an appeal for disability. Now I have to worry myself sick with waiting for a decision. I’m actually hoping I can just let it ride and not fret about it every damn day. But that’s not how my brain works. Anyway.
I got to see my wolfcub! So that was a happy. He gave me a pretty!
He’s making many pretties to sell. I’ll let you know where you can get yours.
Since it is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month I want to remind you, that you are loved, you are worthwhile and you are not alone!
- If you are in crisis or are experiencing difficult or suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273 TALK (8255)
- If you’re uncomfortable talking on the phone, you can also text NAMI to 741-741 to be connected to a free, trained crisis counselor on the Crisis Text Line.
If you want to lend me a hand, here are a couple of ways:
Podiatrist down. Mostly good news. Yearly checkups for now. Need orthotics though. Gotta keep my feet all healthy and stuff.
Next is dentist. I’m scared, honestly. My gums are in very poor shape. It’s likely going to take a lot of work to get a healthy mouth.
The earliest appointment with the rheumatologist I could get is late October but it is scheduled.
I have to get Finn fixed and microchipped very soon.
Mentally/emotionally, I’m up and down but not as down. Thanks, effexor! Also trying to be social. I *think* I made some real connections Saturday night. Hope this is the start of really developing a friend circle and start putting down roots which is vital to my mental health.
My disability claim was denied as many, many, many, many people warned me would happen. Now I have to decide if I have the spoons to get a lawyer and appeal. It feels overwhelming.
I will note that I have made phone calls and gotten necessary medical appointments. So that feels like a huge accomplishment to me. I will also note that I have several other phone calls to make which I’ve not steeled myself to make as of yet. I still need to see a nephrologist and a therapist and get my eyes checked. And now I need to get an appointment to get my feet all measured for orthotics so they stay as healthy as possible.
Please do not tell me how easy it is to just call see: Why don’t you just…
I guess I will continue to get out of bed each day and do what I am able.
Special thanks to my lovely, generous friends who manage to show me in a myriad of ways that I am loved.
A Helping Hand
Made it through 2016. Barely. It was a difficult year in so many ways. Both personally and politically (societally). I had a few really, really good moments:
And many not so good moments. My depression is…well, as up and down as it goes. I had a good therapist before moving back to AZ and that helped so very much. I haven’t yet found one here. My energy is being expended on my physical health plus external stuff (relationships, finances and the like). The election, the numerous celebrity deaths have also had an impact.
I have to make changes or I will die. Not kidding. My health needs to come first. Self-care has always been difficult for me. I invest so much in caring for others. I have to do it if I want to continue on in this life.
Part of self-care is writing, writing, writing. So I will make a greater effort to blog more regularly.
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My heart hurts. I’ve cried and raged myself to exhaustion. But still the awfulness continues. Here are some words by those more eloquent than I.
Tananarive Due: This is What You Do
17 Poems To Read When The World Is Too Much
My Own Random Thoughts
The 4 most ridiculous moments from my recent clinical depression.
I love this piece. I have a nice dose of anxiety to go along with my depression so the experiences outlined in it resonated with me. However, the intro to the piece is really, really, really important. Those of us who can be open not only help ourselves, we help destigmatize mental illness. We try to show those with mental illness that they are not alone and others do grok. We try to show those without mental illness just how incredibly brutal and debilitating it is. We try to sow compassion and understanding.
Knowing that I am not alone helps more than I can express. I ran across this and though I cried, it made me feel a little less hopeless.
Honest Facebook Photo Captions